bad habits and irrational fears

Today I would like to address the issue of bad habits . . . We all have them in some form or another. Others may seem more appalling to us than others, but I have found that any of them can be quite disturbing unless, of course, I am the one doing it. What are my bad habits? Popping my gum, talking with a mouth full of food, and putting my elbows on the table (to just name a few). And then there is the one that has been foremost on my mind lately: chewing the inside of my lips. Why do I have the urge to always do this? As I was contemplating this, I realized how disgusting it is to be consuming bits of my own flesh every day. Ew. But is this gross realization going to stop me from continuing? Probably not. I used to think that there were 'x' amount of layers of skin on my lips and that if I kept chewing away at them that I would eventually wear them down to one flimsy layer of skin. Can you say "unattractive"? Thank goodness my body is able to renew itself and create new skin cells to replace the ones that I bite off every hour of every day. (Gratitude mention of the post.)

And now I come to my irrational fears. I will only mention one today. It has resurfaced due to our recent snowfall which is a foreshadowing of what I am going to have to live with for the next six months. Oh joy. I usually get depressed when the first snowfall of the season comes, but this year it actually made me happy and excited for the upcoming holidays. . . .

I have an irrational fear of slipping and falling on the ice. It's normal to have a slight fear of this that causes you to be more cautious when navigating the sidewalks outside, but it shouldn't scare you to the point of near paralysis, right? I.move.so.slowly during the wintertime. I remember as a college student (oh man, I have reached the point where I can say "Back when I was in college . . .") having to walk across campus to my various classes in the snow and ice. People would usually pass me on all sides, walking briskly or even sliding around on the ice for fun. How could they do this with such confidence is beyond me. One time my fear was so overwhelming that I was ready to hole up in the Benson building and not attend any of my other classes that day, just so I wouldn't have to walk outside and run the risk of falling down. It was that bad.


Now, the weird thing about all of this is the fact that I have fallen down on the ice on more than a few occasions, sometimes in a dress. And really, it wasn't all that terrible. No broken bones, no stitches, not even serious bruises worth mentioning. So why am I so afraid?? The answer remains to be seen. Perhaps I am worried that one of these times it really will be bad and that I will seriously injure myself. Perhaps I am most worried about wounding my pride above all else.

So, if you happen to be driving around Rexburg and see a young woman moving at the pace of a snail, it's probably me. You can be nice and smile or wave, but I can almost guarantee that I won't see this because my eyes will be glued to the ground in hard concentration.